“Your Parents are Deaf? I’m Sorry. How Did You Get Lucky?”
When one does not understand the material with which one is presented. Some questions are easier to handle than others. What is the integral of cosine over sine? Easy. Questions associated with cultural identity are not so easy. People are always questioning me about my association with the Deaf. Luck is often bestowed upon me when I explain that most of my immediate family, including my parents are Deaf. How fortunate that I did not contract the horrible disease of deafness. As all Codas probably feel, I do not believe I possess such luck. At one time there was nothing I wanted more than to be deaf, like my family. But with experience I have learned to adapt to certain situations. I have been conditioned to act deaf or to act hearing when situations call for such distinction. This separation of the hearing and deaf worlds is easy in most situations. At school, I am hearing. At home, I am Deaf. The hard part is when the two worlds collide. This is where the probing cultural identity questions come into play. Seemingly easily answered questions can produce a whole host of complicated feelings.
“What’s this mean in sign language?” For as long as I can remember people have been asking me that question while they flail their arms or contort their fingers in a rather obtrusive and uncomfortable way. While I try to remain outwardly composed, I politely answer “nothing”. In my head, I don’t know whether to laugh at the attempted joke or to cry because of the ignorance behind the question. I think of all the times that question has been asked to not just me but to other people as well and I become defensive. I would like to say, “American Sign Language is a distinct language belonging to a culture that has only recently been acknowledged not as a disability but as a birthright. Your question is an insult to your intellect as well as to my family. Do you have any other questions, ignoramus?” But this would only hamper any further discussion or understanding of deafness. I prefer to answer with an offer to visit my house and experience a little part of deaf culture: the language, sitting around the kitchen table, deaf standard time (which is VERY prevalent in my household). Even if the invitation is declined, a bridge has been created between us that would not exist if I was to be defensive all the time.
It is part of the responsibility Codas have to inform the hearing world about the intricacies of deaf culture. This responsibility does not mean that every Coda must major in deaf education or linguistics to fulfill this responsibility. I have been fortunate enough to use my ASL skills to be an effective interpreter as well as a hostess in a local restaurant that deaf people frequent. Each time a deaf customer comes into the restaurant, I have the opportunity to witness to the other patrons and my co-workers about the advantages of knowing the language.
After completing my first year of college. I have prematurely chosen (Haverford students do not need to declare a major until the end of the sophomore year) to double major in Political Science and Sociology. As a Coda, I am fascinated by society’s reaction to different cultures, including but not exclusively the Deaf. One day I would like to return to my home district and be a Delegate and eventually a Senator in the state legislature. Most of my experiences with state government have been in the Senate and I would like to eventually become President of the Maryland Senate. My experiences with mock sessions in Youth and Government and being a page in the actual legislature have instilled a desire to serve my community as a politician. My experiences with being a Coda have instilled a deep respect for different peoples and their needs. Government is to be a representative of all people, hearing, deaf, and even those with ignorant questions.
Frances S. Bourne graduated from Walkersville High School in Maryland in 1993. She is currently a sophomore at Haverford College in Pennsylvania pursuing a double major in Political Science and Sociology and dreams of representing her home district in Maryland’s Senate someday. She served as President of the Student Government Association at Walkersville. In addition, she is an athlete who ran on the track team throughout high school.
