What My Father Taught Me
Children can be painfully honest, their words are not cautiously selected to avoid topics that are socially taboo. For this very reason, the trouble stemmed from my early youth. My problems could neither be hidden in the dark, nor shoved beneath piles of dirty laundry. My problem was that my father was deaf. My classmates poked fun at his voice, which sounded almost inhuman due to its complete lack of emotion. They teased me because of the way I spoke to him (with my hands) in a language they could not understand. There was nothing in the world I desired more than to fit in, and so the flame of alienation grew and grew.
I can recall so many occasions on which my father opened his heart to me and offered me love. I spurned all his attempts, never giving so much as an ounce of affection. All of those times he came to see me play my clarinet, all those games he attended to watch me cheer, and all of the praise he lavished on me for getting good grades were not met with a single “Thank you”. I could not accept his love, for that would mean I accepted him as a part of me. I endured the pain I saw in his eyes and never gave in.
My father was deaf, but unfortunately I was blind. I refused to see past his disability and recognized his true compassion. In retrospect, I realized that the same man of whom I was so very ashamed had given me the greatest gift on earth. He taught me about love, patience, and acceptance. For years, he must have suffered because of my disdain, but not once did my father show me anger or resentment. He taught me quietly to look inside a person and to listen with my heart. I know these lessons will serve me well in my future profession as a physician.
When I think back to those children who laughed because his voice was different, I understand that neither he nor the children were in the wrong. I was in the wrong for feeling shame. He had worked to overcome an enormous obstacle. The children teased because he was different; they knew no better. My experience has enabled me to develop a new sensitivity, a sensitivity which stems from a painful learning experience. This same sensitivity my sister also had to develop. When I learned true patience, acceptance, and pride we bonded as a family. We are different — wonderfully different.
Doran Windsor Bowe graduated in the top 3% of her class at Lawrence High School in June 1994 where her studies included advanced science and math coursework. She is now a freshman at the University of Pennsylvania. Doran is a musician (clarinet) who played in concert and marching bands and an award winning cheerleader. In her spare time, she co-authors a teen column in the Nassau Herald.
